Pamela D. Wilson's Blogs

Caregiving and Everyday Relationships Affected by Poor

Posted April 29, 2012 by Pamela D. Wilson in Society, Health, Family & Home

Caregiving and Everyday Relationships Affected by Poor Communication

Caregiving relationships are stressful and overwhelming. Relationships and communication detour when we blur fact vs. fiction, truth vs. opinion and assumptions vs. reality. None of us have the power to control how other people will react to what we say or write once the communication is sent - this represents the danger in our own intentions and actions.

Words, verbal and written, can't be erased. In communication what's the intention -- supporting and building a relationship or injury, cruelty and destruction of a relationship?

Communication has the ability to foster positive feelings and goodwill or feelings of hurt and injury. When we communicate (expressions of word and tone) -- how our intention is perceived by the receiver affects their response and the quality of our back and forth communication. We must learn that we have to adjust the style of our communication to the various people with whom we communicate.

Again, what's the goal of our communication -- mutual respect, common purpose or love or to injure another person because of perceived or actual injury ( i.e. our response to their message). This type of relationship conflict is damaging to ourselves and others - conflict absorbs great mental and emotional energy. Communication or involvement from a person not directly involved is even more dangerous because it involves their perceptions, opinions and assumptions -- no facts -- and the result is rarely positive.

We can argue our intentions all day -- but if the result or outcome isn't positive, re-examining the message we sent is critical unless our goal is to destroy.

There is a middle ground where discussing negative or difficult information in a factual, truthful, non opinionated manner can be productive and positive. Arriving at this middle ground takes removing ego, the desire to be right and truly placing a bigger perspective of supporting a family, a team of caregivers and others involved above our own personal needs which can be very, very difficult.

In the bigger picture how do we want to be seen by others? If our story appeared on the front page of the newspaper, how would we feel? If the answer isn't proud or positive, we must give thought the quality of our internal thoughts and the results these thoughts produce in our words and deeds and in our actions that affect others.

There is wisdom in the old saying, "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all". This can be translated to "if you can't think something positive, work to examine and to change the internal quality of your thoughts". In caregiving and in life it's our relationships that are important. Too many times we realize this too late.
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Tags: caregiving, caregiving communication, verbal injury, caregiving overwhelm, anger and communication, angry emails, angry conversations, dealing with anger in caregiving situations

New Caregiver Education Website Announced

Posted February 14, 2012 by Pamela D. Wilson in Society, Health, Family & Home, Education

Many family and professional caregivers desire to improve their caregiving relationships. Many caregivers are overwhelmed and exhausted, feeling drained by caregiving relationships that are unbalanced or that seem out of control. These feelings are common to the caregiving experience. Many caregivers search the internet for education and when the words caregiving or caregiver is typed, thousands of entries are listed, making them feel more overwhelmed. Add the words "education or support" to the words caregiving or caregiver and fewer sites are listed.

In spite of the abundance of information available through the internet, many caregivers report being at a loss where to turn for reliable and specific information relative to their caregiving journey. Others are concerned about their physical availability to attend conferences, courses or support groups. This is difficult when you are caring for someone that can't be left alone or when at the day you have no extra energy remaining.

In response to requests by caregivers to make it easy to access specific and relevant education electronically, any time of day -- even if the time of day is 2 a.m., the website of The Caring Generation, http://www.thecaringgeneration.com previously a weekly radio program on 630 KHOW-AM hosted by Pamela Wilson has been transformed into a caregiver education website.

The new website features two areas: free content and a paid membership area. When finally cataloged, this free information will represent over 700 audio segments, including associated text files if you prefer to read rather than listen, plus more than 200 tipsheets.

To respond to consumer requests for specific caregiver training programs is The Caring Generation: The Caregiving Roadmap®. This education represents the paid portion of the website and offers in depth situations faced by real caregivers. The education is relevant for both family and professional caregivers.

New content will be added weekly to support the goal of teaching caregivers to care for themselves and others, so that caregiving relationships, rather than becoming burdensome or guilt filled remind us that life is precious and our time on earth short. Education for caregivers will be greatly needed as the population of baby boomers continues to age. Visit http://www.thecaringgeneration.com for more information

Caregiving: The High Cost of Hospitalizations

Posted January 11, 2012 by Pamela D. Wilson in Health, Family & Home

For many older adults, hospitalizations result in significant physical and mental decline often resulting in the need for a family or professional caregiver. The decline is cumulative from the stress of the health event and from the inactivity of lying in bed for 3 or more days in a hospital and then being transferred to a rehabilitation community for another 7 to 20 days. Family caregivers during these times are often at a loss about what to do and are unaware of the costs personally and financially. This disruption in routine not only poses personal and financial costs but the risk that the older adult may not be able to return home and live independently or that daily caregiving may be necessary. If you are an older adult with health issues or a caregiver of a parent or grandparent, preventtive care is the key to avoiding hospitalizations and nursing home stays. Curious about the real costs? This article shares costs of hospitalizations and nursing home stays in 2012 http://www.tinyurl.com/7cy5c5q

Don't Be a Bother - Pass It On

Posted October 23, 2011 by Pamela D. Wilson in Health, Society, Family & Home

How many of us like to rely on others for assistance or help whether it's asking for a ride to work, having friends help us move to a new home or pet sitting. Most of us prefer to be independent. Yet there's little comprehension of the type of assistance we'll need when we're older. There's little planning.

Some older adults have a better idea of what happens with aging if they've cared for parents who needed significant help. In my work with older adults I frequently hear "I don't want to be a bother", "I don't want to burden my children". It's these individuals who have provided care for another who understand the reality of life, the realities of the work of caregiving. It's these individuals who plan for the care that they might need and who make arrangements to hire help, to move to retirement communities with services and to make sure they do not burden children by asking for help.

Is it possible for these parents to teach their adult children, now between the ages of 40-65, to not burden their children if they don't live through the experience of having to care for an older parent? We can only hope that the adult children not burdened by caring for a parent will realize the value of maintaining a close relationship with parents that doesn't include the work of caregiving.

Can You Say No

Posted October 21, 2011 by Pamela D. Wilson in Society, Family & Home, Health

Are you constantly active, running here and there, helping others, caring for family members? Do you lack time for yourself? If yes, you may lack the ability to say "no". You may lack personal boundaries.

Many caregivers want to be helpful to the expense of their own health and wellbeing. Loved ones need help and the caregiver comes running. Some caregivers give up employment only to regret this years later when their retirement savings bucket is empty. Many caregivers charge in to save the day not realizing that they will need care one day.

If you're not yet a caregiver, give thought to the situation you're about to enter and how it will affect your life. Saying "no" may be the best thing you do for yourself and a loved one. Saying "no" preserves relationships instead of making you the person, the caregiver, who does all the work.

When you remember your loved one you'll want to remember the good times, not the times when you, on your knees, were scrubbing the floor around their toilet. Prioritize your caregiving duties around quality time not tasks.

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